What is 'Write Out of Hiding'?

Wielding words to crawl out from under secrets

This is me after a mountain hike, standing at the top of Seceda in the Italian Dolomites

**Much of this information is also in my “about” page. I’ve included it in a post here for accessibility, knowing that not everyone checks out those “about” pages! This is a good place to begin to get a feel for Write Out of Hiding, the person behind the writing (me!), and what I hope to accomplish here.

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I’m Tracey Edelist, but I’d rather my name be Elena Vera (post on this coming soon!). Prompted by the discovery of a secret about my identity that my birth mother managed to keep hidden from me for 50 years, I write about what it was like to discover that my ‘dad’ is not my biological father, and the identity crisis and life and relationship changes that ensued. I’m half Italian and had no idea. I’ve been re-shaping my life story and writing non-stop since this unexpected DNA revelation in February 2022.

Coming to terms with the story of my life having been a lie made writing an urgent and necessary process of living, healing and coming to understand myself in the world. Words on the page became my link to reality at a time when nothing out in the world, and nothing within my body and soul, felt ‘real.’

Here in Write Out of Hiding, I share personal narratives, for the first time publicly, about mothers, fathers, daughters, the cascading effects of childhood trauma, and the cost of keeping secrets from ourselves and our loved ones. I envision Write Out of Hiding to be a place of healing and self-discovery, a place to challenge societal ideas of normalcy that lead people to hide parts of themselves for self-preservation, and a place to celebrate the power of writing and the sharing of stories as community building. We need not be alone.

Why Subscribe to Write Out of Hiding?

If you too are writing out of hiding (or would like to), please be in touch and become a subscriber! This space may resonate with you if you’re a fellow ‘NPE’ (identifying acronym for ‘not parent expected’), survivor of childhood trauma, or are working through difficult family relationships. Perhaps you’re coming to understand and accept that your feelings and emotions matter, that your way of processing information and expressing yourself is valid and valuable, or that you no longer want or need to mask parts of yourself to ‘fit in.’ Perhaps you want to start asking for what you need, to let go of the expectation to pass as ‘normal’, or even ‘superhuman’, no longer sacrificing yourself for the comfort and convenience of others. We may all have so many reasons to write out of hiding, but these are some of mine.

A little more about me

I am a white, fifty-something, neurodivergent critical disabilities studies educator and researcher with a PhD in Social Justice Education, currently teaching, on a part-time, contract basis, at the University of Toronto. Much of my recent work is focused on equity-related issues in health professions education. I am a chronic career changer. My first professional career was as a speech-language pathologist (SLP), but now I question the assumptions about language, speech, and deafness that frame the SLP and audiology professions. For a taste of my academic writing, and in case you’re interested in how students in health and human services programs experience the disability accommodations process in their fieldwork placements, here’s a link to a recent article, “Patient or professional: Negotiating accommodations and identity in fieldwork education.”

I am an unabashed chocolate snob. In between working in SLP private practice and going back to school to do my PhD, I founded a chocolate tasting company, “A Taste for Chocolate.” Think wine tasting, but with single-origin and blended cacao bean fine artisanal chocolate instead of wine. I sure do miss the steady supply of high quality chocolate bought at wholesale prices that filled my basement ‘chocolate room!’ If you want to try some outstanding bean-to-bar chocolate made with love by true artisans, try European brands like Amedei, Domori, and Pralus; American brands like Amano and Askinosie; or Soma in Toronto, Canada. 

I’m a proud mom to two wonderful young adult children who are making their own way in this world, and whose identities have also shifted over time. I’m married to my ‘high school sweetheart.’ They are the only family to which I feel a full belonging. They will undoubtedly appear in my stories.

When I’m not teaching, researching, or writing, I’m cooking, baking, or outside actively enjoying nature. I’d spend all day exploring mountains if I could (but I live in Ontario, so mountain hiking is reserved for vacations). Since I spend a lot of time at my computer, walking-and-talking is my favourite catch-up activity with friends and family – I crave movement and outdoor spaces. I’m also learning Italian in an attempt to connect with my lost heritage, and beautiful Italia has become my favourite vacation destination. The food, the landscapes, the history, the language, the people… the food!

Stay up-to-date

I aim to write a new post every few weeks or so. Subscribing ensures you never miss an update – every new post is sent directly to your email inbox.

For now, all posts and comments are available to all subscribers. I recognize that writing out of hiding takes courage, whether sharing personal essays or sharing something of yourself in the comments and chat spaces. I aim to create a space where we hold each other’s stories close, and to foster an accountable, supportive community.

If you feel so inclined, a pledged subscription would be a wonderful and much appreciated way to support my work for when/if I open up paid subscriptions. Grazie!

I hope you find something useful here and join me and the Write Out of Hiding community, in whatever way works for you!

With gratitude,

Tracey